How Do You Bounce Back After a Breakup

Over the course of several posts, I am going to show you the different ways my “Ex Recovery System” can help you bounce back from breakup and heartache.  I am going to touch not just on the process of getting your ex husband or wife back, but we are also going to discuss things you can do to help accelerate the healing process.

You see, sometimes when all the dust settles and after you have had that precious period of time to reflect and really get in touch with your feelings, you may discover you don’t want you man back.  Or if you are a guy who is struggling with whether the marriage is worth repairing, you may just decide that it is not and that you need to tack in another direction.

navigating your maze of emotions

Finding your way through the maze of emotions which can smother you is in part predicated on you learning to become the best version of yourself.

It is the latter objective (i.e. “becoming best version of yourself”) that is often overlooked. Many of my readers can be so intently focused on just getting back with their Ex that they lose their way.  

I have seen this happen so many times and I do NOT want to see it happen to you.

A Breakup Should Not Consume Your Life

Remember….

When your Ex leaves you, they do not take away your life.   No matter how bad you feel, never forget this reality.

Things have a way of almost always getting better.

Indeed, it was Einstein who said, “in the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity”.

And if you arrived here at my website, chances are that the things happening in your relationship right now are difficult.  But I am not here to pile on more of the negative that might already surround you.

I am here to try and lift you up from your relationship breakup.

Your life and the attitude you choose to adopt, is there for you to shape and mold in a way that increases your value to yourself and to others.

Your personal recovery is critical because it all ties back into making you feel attractive and confident again (if that is a problem), maybe even more attractive.

And quite possibly, your journey through life may just take a surprising turn or two.

I have had cases where clients used the No Contact Period to grow their self esteem and accomplish some goals and ultimately they rediscovered draw their “true” feelings.  In some cases, they decided they didn’t want their ex back.

finding yourself after a breakup

How Do You Find Yourself Again After Splitting Up With Your Lover

This next section of my article proceeds with the assumption that you DO want your Ex back.  Let’s assume that your ex husband (or ex wife), who was the most important figure in your life, is outside your sphere of influence right now.  

So what can you do to drive away the pain and anger and resentment and a wide assortment of emotions that just don’t seem to dissipate?

That is really a rather complicated question.  But the good news is if you read my articles here on www.mymarriagehelper.com you will start to understand the game plan you can adopt.

As you probably know, to get your ex back, many things usually have to happen.  

I have given you a blueprint on how you can accomplish these things and I am confident you will find success as you implement the various strategies and tactics that I am about to cover.

As I mentioned, my website offers a great deal of insight for individuals experiencing a wide assortment of relationship challenges. 

But I like to plan for contingencies.

I don’t think it would be very wise of me to assume that my teachings and the system I have laid out for you will be the answer for every situation.  While it may help the vast majority of people out there, your individual situation may be so unique, it may require greater creativity and problem solving.

So with that in mind, I decided to go the extra mile and create a Treasure Chest of Ex Recovery Ideas that you can review.  I will leave it to you to decide if any of these ideas might be of use to you, given your situation.

Sometimes it takes something transformative to change the status quo. Sometimes, even the best of my time tested strategies will fall short of delivering the results you are looking for.

Remember, this whole process of ex recovery is not about getting your ex husband or ex wife back in record time.  This is not a race to reclaim your lost love.  If that is what is driving you, then you need to read some of the other articles available throughout this website.

finding yourself and healing

Recovery from Heartache and Breakup is a Synergistic Process

This whole process of ex recovery is a synergistic process.  Essentially, in order for you to build attraction properly, you should follow the steps of the System.  All of these steps are connected, like puzzle pieces.

If you leave one out or fail to implement it properly, it will make your efforts more difficult.

So I caution you, before you try any of the ideas from my “Ex Recovery Treasure Chest”, just make sure you tried to implement the steps of the Ex Recovery System.  If you are interested in picking up a copy of the Ex Recovery Pro ebook in which I discuss my system in greater detail, feel free to visit me at:

exboyfriendrecovery.com

exgirlfriendrovery.com 

If you still find yourself struggling in some aspect of the recovery process, then by all means take a look at what the Ex Back Treasure Chest offers.

treasure chest of recovery ideas

A Treasure Chest of Relationship Recovery Ideas

The “Get Your Ex Back Treasure Chest” focuses on two main areas that often prove a stumbling block for some of my readers.  

  • Innovative Tactics on getting a response from your Ex
  • Creative Tactics on enhancing your own recovery.

Many of the things we will be talking about are designed to enhance and arouse attraction.

We are planting seeds here folks!  Don’t mistake attraction with “in your face” pick up lines or with over the top gestures of sexuality.  These things are transparent and can often create the opposite effect you seek to achieve.

Sometimes, all you need is a little spark to get things moving in the right direction. We are talking little moves…subtle gestures…..planting seeds of suggestion and inference.  At this stage of re-attraction in which you are trying to rekindle the romance, be guided by the principle of “less is more”.

Sometimes, it only takes a few good actionable ideas to turn things around.

If you need more help and desire to take a bit more risk and be more creative, then by all means, consider the ideas I am about to discuss.

That is why I created the Get Your Ex Back Treasure Chest.  There is a good possibility that one or more of these ideas will help you turn the corner.  

Remember, the Ex back process sometimes operates in fits and starts.  Things may not always work as planned.  Improvising and adapting is often vital to your success.

relationships and baseball

Playing Ball

Getting Your Ex Back is like dealing with a batter in baseball. You want to manage the situation.

You want to have a game plan.

You want to use your best starting pitcher to be the one you go to in Game 7 of the World Series.  My Ex Recovery System represents that.  But every great team has a super relief pitcher that can deal with those special situations.

These creative and crafty players are called RELIEVERS.

When things are looking bad and some of the previous “pitches” have “missed their mark”, the Reliever is pressed into action.

They often possess a creative assortment of pitches, such as curve balls, sliders, and knucklers to keep the batter off balance and ultimately control him.

So how do you spell RELIEF?

Well, I have 25 tactics I hope can help you with bouncing back.

This list of 25 novel tactics that explore ways to get your ex back also include recovery exercises and special insights.  It is designed to give you additional ammunition in your efforts to advance your own recovery.

So what I want you to do is find and act upon the right mix of tactics and recovery gems.

If you are not interested in ever reconciling with your ex spouse, then focus on those tactics that help you with bouncing back from your funk.

And if you are unsure as to what you want, then read on as there will be ideas here that will assuredly help you.

So are your ready!

Let’s get started.

confession as healing

  1. Confessions (A “Chris” Recovery Exercise)

This idea is for those who are really hurting.  Sometimes it is not enough to be told that you need to lay your sorrows aside.  Telling yourself something is one thing. Doing what you really know can help you an be tough. Sometimes staying active and moving forward with life activities does not distract you enough to let go of the pain. Sometimes, we need more attention.

There is a therapeutic benefit to getting things off one’s chest. It could be that the weight of your pain and suffering has been difficult to completely shed.  It resides within you and you are struggling to cast it out. Perhaps you are experiencing regrets for things you feel you did wrong in past.

For what it’s worth, stop beating yourself up for things in the past. I have news for you!  We all do things that we wish we could have done differently.  And everyone who has experienced a breakup or a dissolution of a marriage, will feel really, really bad at times. Sometimes these negative feelings will drag a person down for hours, days, weeks, even months.

You have probably heard the saying, “time heals all wounds”.  Well, I don’t believe that completely.  Sure, as time marches by, your pain can slowly dissipate and your perspective about the important things in your life will grow.  But there is more to all this, in my opinion.  I believe:

Time helps those who helps themselves.    

Here is what I want you to do!

If you are really hurting and just need to unload, you can leave me an anonymous message.  Feel free to leave multiple messages if it is a long confession.

But let me make something clear!  When I use the word “confession”, I don’t mean for you to think you have done something wrong.  Because the truth is, the events that cause breakups involve two people and are very complicated.  Trying to sort out “right and wrong” and “this and that”, can become a futile exercise.

What we need for you to do is start thinking more about making your “present moments” more fulfilling.  Start planning for future opportunities.  Don’t allow the past to drag you down.

Nevertheless, if you need to purge some pain or just need to bounce off some thoughts and ideas, then go for it!

 I can’t promise I will be able to listen to every message people leave for me. Quite truthfully, it is unlikely I will be able to respond.   But I will be thinking of you…praying for you. Remember, sometimes purging your feelings of guilt or regret can go a long way in helping you frame a positive mind going forward.

There is therapeutic value to unwinding. If you are plagued with guilt, confession can lift it away.  It is well known that “talking it out” can have a curative effect.  

Simply visit this page and record your Confession or Thoughts there!  Please do not use your real name, but know that everything you decide to share will be kept in the strictest of confidence.  If you are not comfortable with that approach, then write your thoughts down in a notebook or journal.  The key thing is getting it out.

priming as a recovery strategy 

  1. Priming (An Attraction Tactic)

As you have learned, many No Contact Periods range from 21 to 30 days.   I am sure you are familiar with the Principle of Priming, right!  

Well, if not, let me explain.  Priming is when you do something to help make your next action successful.

Definition of Priming:

A substance that prepares something for use or action, in particular.

If you are utilizing the Ex Recovery System I referenced earlier, you may be employing a No Contact Period.  After that is over, you have been taught to utilize one or more text messages to initiate your First Contact Message.  But what if you decided to do a little “priming” just before the No Contact Period ended in order to create an environment in which your Ex is more likely to respond to your text message.

In fact you can apply priming either before or after your First Contact Message.

Think of it like trying to start a car. You are in the car and the engine stalls.  So what do you do?  Do you just give up and call roadside assistance?

No, there are almost always other options.  You can prime the fuel pump by depressing the gas pedal a couple of times.  Sometimes the engine will catch and start up.

So how does one pull off “priming” when dealing with an ex?

Well, there are a lot of things you could choose to do.  But it is best if it is not too aggressive.  Better yet, keep it understated.

You could leave a little mystery gift at your Ex’s doorstep, without a note. Leave some doubt as to whether it is from you.  Make no other attempt to contact for a few days.  Curiosity will usually occupy your former lover’s mind. Perhaps your Ex will contact you first.

This action serves to potentially prime your Ex’s attraction for you.  Don’t forget, it is the right brain you are reaching out to here!  You are trying to trigger a positive emotional memory from the past.  So perhaps the gift or item you select should have a subtle connection to something you both remember.

You are trying to make a little impression….to plant a little seed of curiosity.  Allow the “priming” to work its magic for a few days before trying to reach out to your ex by text.

drops of jupiter and positivity

  1. Drops of Jupiter (A “Chris” Recovery Exercise)

In a way, we are all on a voyage of self discovery.  When we face difficult times, our journey can become more informed.  When we open ourselves up to positive imagery and perspective, our wounds can heal.  

The lead singer Pat Monahan (“Train”)  who recorded a song called “Drops of Jupiter,” was quoted as saying, “the best thing we can do about the loss of love is find ourselves through it”.

I think there is much to be learned here.  When we are struggling with a loss of love (or a temporary break up), I don’t think we should look at things as a zero sum outcome.  Not at all.  Whether you later regain relationship or not, think of this junction in your life as an opportunity.

You will be much more attractive to others and yourself, if you look upon things in your life in this way.

I learned long ago that if you are going through a breakup, you had best get along really well with yourself.

No doubt, a break up HURTS.  But you really have an opportunity in front of you.

I realize that will be hard for some to accept.  Maybe for many.  But I challenge you to look at things differently.  You have much to be thankful for.

I want you to write down those things that you are thankful about.

If you have experienced a “loss”, you should not feel utterly lost. Remind yourself that what you have experienced thus far has been a gain. You have acquired more life experiences.

Some years ago a fascinating  study was performed that by a psychologist.  Her name is Barbara Fredrickson. The paper that was eventually written and published gave us some very useful insights in how positivity and negativity can impact our outlook. If one is seeking to build value in their life, then they need to take a close look at how they embrace the world.

The experiment that the psychologist conducted involved putting individuals in certain situations in which images were viewed.  These images were either negative or positive or neutral.  The people were split up into three groups and over a period of time were exposed to their image.  Then they were asked to complete certain activities and tasks. I bet you can imagine what happened?

Well, it turned out that the folks who spent their time looking at a lot of negative things, their ability to complete these tasks was adversely impacted.  The people who were exposed to the positive images, their performance on the assigned tasks were more successful.

The psychologist concluded that when people are surrounded by positive influences and act out in a positive manner, they respond to their environment in a more productive way.  She called this effect, broaden and build theory”.

Essentially, people who practice this behavior have a richer and more fufilling life experience.  

So that should be your challenge. Learning how to  BROADEN and BUILD!

This involves behaving in a way where you lead with positive emotions.  Take the opportunity to express appreciation to individuals around you that you value. Such an expression of appreciation builds upon the positive nature that is inside of you.

Laugh and smile and enjoy life. Just the very act of laughing is therapeutic.

Be spontaneous and plan a fun event. Mediate. Write.  Dance and sing. Go out into nature and enjoy the wind in your face and the smells of the forest.

time to throw out all relationship wisdom

  1. An Unconventional “Hail Mary” (An Attraction Tactic)

Ok….so are your ready for the Hail Mary?

I am going to take you down a road that is a far cry from the conventional logic of how to get your Ex back.  It certainly is outside the teachings of my Complete Ex Recovery System.

But hey, you are an adult and you know your situation best, so I will leave it to you if you wish to roll the dice.

As I have taught, the odds of regaining the trust of your Ex in the early days following a break up are not very good.  In most cases, emotions are ruling the day.

But just possibly, your situation is rather unique.  Maybe your relationship breakup was not as awful as others.  Perhaps the two of you have a strong history.

So maybe your are thinking that you want to do things a bit differently….that you want your ex back “FAST”!

Do you believe in Miracles?

Well why not?

Let’s give it a try.

This approach usually works best if you dumped your Ex or you both mutually decided to part ways.

Here is what I want you to do.

I want you to wait 7 days.  If you do anything sooner, you will likely strike out.

As it is, I normally recommend a 21 to 30 day No Contact Period to help with the recovery process.  So waiting only 7 days, already violates the normal time frame I recommend.

relationship miracle 

But we did agree that we would try to pull off a miracle!

For seven days, I recommend you make no effort to contact your Ex.  But on day 5, I want you to “arrange” to plant an idea in their head.  You are going to be doing a little “priming” here.

That’s right.  You are going to see to it that your Ex hubby or wife knows something about how “You” are thinking.  

To do this, you will need to enlist a trusted friend.  It could be a mutual friend or a buddy of yours, but you have to trust that they won’t betray you in any way.

What you are trying to accomplish is to cleverly make your Ex aware of how you feel about them.   

You are going to sow a seed.

It is written, that for everything under the heavens, there is a season.

There is a time when you plant (sow) your seed of an idea.  And with a little luck, there will be a time for you to reap your harvest.

Now, I have to warn you.  This whole approach, while it is NOT VERY risky in terms of short circuiting your longer term strategy; it is still a long shot.

Ok…so let’s get back to the game plan.

So the idea you want to have planted in the mind of your Ex is thatyou” internally feel that you made a “huge mistake”.

That’s it.  Nothing more.

Just keep it short. Less is more.

Just have your friend convey that message.  Just to be clear, your friend is not passing on this message from you.  They are not a messenger.  What they are doing is pretending to gossip about you.

Make sure that your trusted friend does not embellish any more than than.  And importantly, when your friend drops this “thought” into the mind of your Ex, it needs to be done in a nonchalant fashion.  

You don’t want your friend to play it up too much.  If your Ex asks more questions about what “you” meant or if your Ex makes a sarcastic comment, tell your friend not to “bite”.  Reveal nothing more.  Just leave it hanging out there.  

Remember, you are just planting a small little seed that hopefully will wedge itself into your Ex’s subconscious.

Your friend should just say, “hey, I don’t know much more than that.”   

Ok, so that is Step 1.  Remember, this seed you sow happens on day 5. You are priming your Ex.

On day 8, you implement Step 2.

I recommend you send your Ex a single rose with a note.  It should be appropriately packed in a box and delivered by UPS or Federal Express.

The note should say something like, “Forgive me for my huge mistake of breaking it off with you. I wish to apologize in person if that is acceptable to you. I realize you may never wish to see or talk to me again.  And if that is so, I will accept that fate”.  

So that it is it.  That is your Hail Mary.

Just leave your note open ended and short like the example above.  The ball is now in their court.

If your Ex is willing to allow you to apologize in person, then you got to first base and that would be a huge victory.

Oh…one more suggestion.  Make sure the paper you use is quality stock.     The color of the paper stock should be a lighter shade of blue. That color evokes the right mood.  Feel free to read up on the psychology of colors.

breakup blues

The Breakup Blues

Ok, so those are the first 4 tactics of the Ex Recovery Treasure Chest.  We still have many more to cover.  But this post is getting a bit long in tooth, so let’s agree that we will pick up this discussion in my next post.

That should give you a chance to process some of the things we just discussed.

So look for the post that is called, “How To Get Over the Relationship Breakup Blues”. 

Published by

Chris

Known in relationship circles as the, Ex Whisperer, Chris Seiter seeks to help men and women rekindle their love and passion and find their way back to a stable, successful relationship. As owner of the websites MyMarriageHelper.com, ExBoyfriendRecovery.com, and ExGirlfriendRecovery.com, Chris works closely with his clients, helping them see the bigger picture of how to get their ex back, recover from the pain of lost love, and become a better version of who they are.

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