It is an awful feeling when you realize that the man you love…the guy you married who you once felt you could not do without…has told you that he is moving on.
In his mind he may be thinking he is going on to bigger and better things. He is free, he thinks. The handcuffs are off and his adventures are about to begin. Of course in many of these cases, the husband who seems so eager to leave, truly has no idea what he is getting himself into.
In your mind, you are probably wanting to crucify him. How dare he stab you in the back like that….just announcing that he is through with the marriage and is moving on.
Indeed, if you are like most of the women I consult with, you are probably incensed that your husband who you once trusted like no other human being, has decided to walk out of your life.
Talk about taking things to the limit.
Usually, when a man packs his stuff and walks out of a marriage, things are gone really bad. It can unbelievable when a husband deserts you. I also explore this topic in the following post….
The who, what, when, where, and why questions….these queries will haunt you if you let them.
But that is not always the case.
Sometimes everything fits together very quickly and you understand why they are leaving you.
Sometimes we get these guys that care little for how their actions impact you and all of things the two of you established in this world.
They just do it because of some impulsive reaction that reaches out and pulls them away from you.
Then there are those guys that have just thrown up their hands, giving up on the marriage, wanting nothing more to do with it. They are not willing to do the hard work it takes to make a marriage successful.
Maybe such men weren’t marriage material to begin with.
Maybe they have some other woman on the side and were just looking for a reason to escape.
Sometimes it is never really clear.
We are left wondering what happened and how we are to pick up all the pieces of the relationship strewn all about.
If I was to count all the “ifs and maybes” women have shared with me, they would number in the double digits and if we swept them all up and tried to make some sense of them, we would be left with a heaping pile of trash.
Whatever it was that caused your marriage break apart and meet its untimely end, you are unlikely to solve in your mind in the days to come. So don’t try.
It will prolong your agony.
Whatever happened that resulted in you and your husband parting ways…just know that you are not alone.
This mini tragedy has befallen others.
You will come out of all this chaos intact.
And who knows….you might just discover a big truth about both yourself and your estranged husband which could positively change the course of your life.
I Am Hurting So Much Since My Husband Left Me
I realize that in the beginning part of your mindset could be possessed by the thought of: “I want my husband back”.
So what will come of your future?
This is the other thought you are probably obsessed with.
For the last many years, you and you husband were an inseparable couple. You did everything together. Your routine were set and your were part of something larger than just yourself. You were part of a union made up of two people. And it probably felt good much of the time.
So you can’t help but think back to all the good times. Your remember all those sweet moments. You remember your dreams of the future with your husband. You remember how happy you both seemed to be not that long ago.
This is how our minds work. We remember the good stuff.
But we also can spend out time remembering the bad stuff and replaying it over and over again, becoming more angry, then more depressed.
Just know that is is normal to be prone to waves of anger and resentment.
“How dare he tell you its over?“, you will think.
“What did you do deserve such treatment?“, you will ask yourself repeatedly.
Why would your husband blame all the troubles of the marriage solely on you and walk out of your life like it was all your fault?
You think that no one deserves to be pushed aside and left behind like that. And you are right.
If you husband acts in such a manner, then something is terribly wrong.
If the relationship between you and your man has disintegrated to such a point that he walks out of your life with little explanation, something is going on and you will eventually want to get to the bottom of it.
This is such a tough situation when a husband abandons his wife. There are undoubtedly so many questions you will have.
If your husband has walked out on you, you also might be wondering, “what are my rights?”
What if you are married with children?
You may be thinking, “my husband walked out on me and the kids and I need to protect myself.”
You will wonder what you are entitled to.
All the while you will be thinking how it is unimaginable that he would leave you and the kids, wondering what kind of man would do such a thing.
What if you have a little baby and the guy your are married to decides he has had enough and wants out of the marriage?
In my book, that is the ultimate form of selfishness and cruelty
Sometimes with your husband walking out of your life, he will not want to talk which usually compounds the situation because you probably won’t fully understand the what and why of everything.
Perhaps there was an argument and he decided to leave and walk out in a big puff.
Perhaps he is emotionally insecure or unstable and can’t be relied on to participate in a full life with another woman
Whatever it is, I understand well how this sort of outcome has stretched you in every which way.
Again, let me remind you that the pain you feel searing through your heart and body is not everlasting.
And the more you hear this and convince yourself that it is true, the sooner you will get over the cruel act of your husband.
The sooner you will be able to start looking at the bigger picture of your relationship and decide if you should strike out in a different direction.
Here is a list of reactions I have received from women whose husbands decided to give up on the marriage. It is important you realize that such sadness can enter into other people’s lives, yet they all came out of it. They all survived and are in a better place emotionally and relationship wise.
“I wept for days when he left me. I did not see it coming. I guess I was in my own shell thinking a certain way about our marriage, while all along he had other things in his mind. When he told me to my face we were through, I didn’t believe it. Now I just want my husband back. I don’t know what comes next. Should I think of separation steps? I don’t want that. Part of me thinks he doesn’t want that either. How do I get my husband after after all this? This whole thing is crushing me.”
“It was an unbelievable day. I awaken and get all the kids to school. My husband is lurking around like he wants to talk to me. Then it happens. He says he wants to separate. He says the problems we have been undergoing are too great to solve. I am not buying any of this since it just comes out of nowhere. We haven’t fought in weeks. Then this happens. He is acting impulsively. I know it. Should I just let him go? Should I just let the separation thing happen without pushing back. Part of me thinks my husband will come back after the separation phase. But my inner demons are taking over. Has he fallen out of love with me? How do you make your husband fall in love with you again after separation talk? How do I make my husband come back home after all this? I am so confused and don’t even know where to start.”
I am sitting here thinking that I am a lucky woman. My husband left me for an old girlfriend. I should have seen it coming. She has been popping up in places and he has been acting way too weird about it. Looking back, now I see that my husband has been conspiring behind the scenes. I say good riddance. I use to spend my entire day thinking about how to get my husband back from this other woman who has ruined my life. Now I realize that his cheating ways were a godsend to me. This other woman my husband has been carrying on with has actually saved my life. He tried to hide it and I think he was planning on carrying on with her indefinitely. But I finally came to my senses and have told him it’s over. This cheating he did on me is the most disloyal act a husband can commit. For women out there wondering about how to get your husband to move back home after an affair, I say forget it. Kick him out and let him learn his lesson that his fairy tale on how his life will work out is so full of crap.”
How Do You Cope After Your Husband Walks Out of Your Marriage?
When the dark clouds of a marriage gone awry hangs over your life, everything seems upside down.
All the things you use to take for granted has changed. Your daily routines change. Your sense of who you are and where your life is headed becomes clouded.
No doubt we could talk all day about the plethora of twisted feelings you are undergoing.
But there is no need for you to relive your pain.
Its there and it won’t go away any time real soon unless you act.
The pain of being left behind…being sold out by your husband will go away.
You have the capacity to rise above all of this.
Start first by making it clear to your husband, in the event it is not, that he is not welcomed back given his destructive, irresponsible behavior.
He chose to walk out on you. That is a blow to the marriage.
He crossed a sacred marriage red line.
So if your husband later changes his mind after a few days upon reality hitting him square in the face, do let him wiggle his way back into your life to soon, if at all.
I am not saying the marriage is completely over and the two of you will never be together again.
I am saying that take the time you have with yourself and get to know you, again.
What You Shouldn’t Do If Your Husband Walks
What I am saying is that in the days and weeks following your husband walking out of the relationship, he needs to understand clearly that what he has done is a serious breach of trust and that if there is to be any healing of the wound, it needs to occur over time, on your terms.
Don’t beg for your husband to return back to the marriage.
Don’t plead with your husband to stay.
Don’t call or text your husband asking to meet up with him to discuss his decision to leave you in the early days or weeks.
Don’t do any of those things in the immediate days following your husband’s departure.
Remember, he quit the relationship.
His act is indefensible, so don’t give him any avenues to try to change your mind about your time for independence.
Nor should you subject yourself to any potential verbal abuse he might throw your way.
So for the immediate future, close off the communications lines where it is practical.
When someone you love walks away, it is time to utilize a No Contact Period.
It is best for you and your husband.
You will need time to re-evaluate everything that is important to you and you shouldn’t trust your own judgement in those early days.
Just Because Your Husband Walked Out Doesn’t Mean You Have To Quit Living
Stay engaged in life.
Meet and make new friends.
Focus on being the best version of everything you love about yourself.
Surround yourself with friends that can support you.
Get outside and do things outside. Sunshine and nature can do incredibly positive things for your attitude and mood.
Give yourself weeks to recover before you give any serious thought about what your plans for the future might be.
Of course, how a marriage can unravel and come apart differs for every couple.
The varying complexity in a couples’ history and how they interact can also influence in different ways how they may come back together again.
Some couples have a tempestuous relationship and walking away from each other is not unheard of.
The husband and wife may still be very much in love with each other, but for whatever reason, one of them decides to upend the marriage.
I have written elsewhere on this site about things you can do to get your husband back if you are still of a mind to pursue that aim.
But for now, remember, what is important is avoiding trying to get all the answers or come up with all the solutions to what has happened and what you should do about it.
Remember the law of little steps.
When something big happens to you that abruptly upsets your life, don’t take any large steps….make big or grand decisions.
Allow yourself time to recover and think rationally.
And realize that getting to truly know your own feelings about important matters usually takes longer than you might think when it involves a big relationship breakup situation.